Getting the sleep you (and your newborn) need!

Who among us doesn’t treasure a great night’s sleep? And how many new or expectant parents have heard the horror stories of newborn sleep skills (or lack thereof!) and their parents who can’t recall the last time they woke up in the morning feeling refreshed? There’s no denying that finding a way to get some good rest is a challenge in the early months of new parenthood, so let’s talk about it!

Babies Sleep, Just Not the Way We’d Like!

First, let’s explore what to expect from your baby at night, and why they do what they do. The first three months of an infant’s life are commonly referred to as the “Fourth Trimester”. During this time their physical and emotional development that began in the womb are completed. Their brains begin the process of learning by association and are busy sorting out the world. Their bodies are learning to eat and sleep with purpose, and they need their parents’ help to develop patterns which will help their systems regulate.

With their tiny tummies, newborns need to eat every three to four hours at night. Parents might wish for a great night’s sleep, the health and survival of their baby is likely to demand otherwise for a while. Day and night are still meaningless to them, and their circadian rhythm has yet to develop, so their bodies aren’t giving them cues to sleep just because night has come.

If you’ve done any research or talked to other parents, you have seen and heard lots of advice on how to get your baby to sleep, some of which directly contradicts other recommendations. You may be left confused and anxious. And wondering how you are supposed to know the best way to get it right from the beginning. While the task at hand can seem monumental and overwhelming, some simple steps can get you and your babies on the right track for excellent rest. 

Basics of Safe, Comfortable Newborn Sleep

Start with the basics – a safe sleep surface such as a crib or bassinet with no additional blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, bumpers, or cushions. Next, decide where in the home baby will be sleeping. Will you be rooming in for a few weeks, or starting from day 1 in the nursery? Both have their pros and cons, and only you can make the choice about what will get your family the best rest possible! Some families find having baby close at hand makes responding to their needs at night quicker and less overall distracting from peaceful sleep. Others find they hear every little noise, and thus need the distance of a wall between them and baby so they can actually fall asleep in between feeding and soothing sessions.

Sleep Associations – use them!

Next, let’s talk about comfort and routine. Building healthy sleep associations from day 1 can actually help mitigate the need for intense sleep training months later. All babies are born with a biological need to feel safe, secure, and soothed whether it’s day or night. How do we meet those needs while we rest? 

  1. Womb Service. During the day, babies are often happy to sleep anywhere, through any amount of noise and light. But when it comes to nighttime sleep, it really helps to think about recreating the environment your baby just left. What about it can be translated into a safe and soothing aid for sleeping in your home? Baby’s room should be dark (think black out curtains!). Set a comfortable temperature without drafts (68-72 degrees, though cooler is better than warmer for babies). Lastly, add ambient white noise to muffle the minor disruptions from the rest of the household.
  2. Swaddle. Babies sleep better when swaddled in their first weeks! Why? They’ve been swaddled their whole lives in the cushy, cozy environment of the womb before birth. The trick is getting a snug, secure swaddle that baby can’t easily wriggle out of. Hell hath no fury like a baby who got their arm out of a swaddle before they were really ready to wake up! Velcro and snap swaddle pods are appealing, but if your newborn is particularly tiny, they often don’t get tight enough. Stick to the tried and true large, muslin swaddle blankets and a good old fashioned baby-burrito-wrap. Check out the video demo on our YouTube channel, or let us teach you in person. Our postpartum doulas are often deemed magical when we show parents how we swaddle during a night shift! 
  3. Soothe. Babies are born with a biological need to suck for comfort and as a prevention from SIDS. Sucking actually helps them regulate their breathing! If you don’t want to or can’t nurse an infant 24/7, they’re going to have to fulfill this need elsewhere. Pacifiers are an indispensable tool in healthy newborn sleep in this regard! A well-fed infant who is steadily gaining weight can safely be offered a pacifier for sleep soothing without concern it will impact their feeding relationship. 

Don’t Try to Keep Them Up!

While at first it might seem counterintuitive, sleep begets sleep. Set a consistent nap routine as soon as you are able during the day. Overtired infants are actually harder to get to sleep. Newborns should generally not stay awake between naps more than 45 minutes to 1 hour (for more on periods of wakefulness as baby ages, see Precious Little Sleep). Watching for signs and signals your newborn is ready for rest is just as key as setting the right tone for their sleep environment. Avoiding meltdowns from exhaustion means noticing your baby’s sleep cues. Do they start to rub their eyes, ears, neck, or head? Do they give you a ‘thousand yard stare’ with half-drooping eyelids? Are they yawning repeatedly? Don’t wait for your baby to start crying to get them ready for sleep. Instead, pay attention to the signs and jump right into their sleep routine.

Sleep When Baby Sleeps??

While the old adage ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ still rings true to a point, often it’s easier said than done. Sometimes your brain just isn’t wired for rest when your baby lies down. To the best of your ability, at least practice periods of quiet when your baby naps during the day. If you can’t actually sleep, definitely don’t take that precious naptime as an opportunity to catch up on every household chore you’ve been missing. Lie down, read a book, or watch a show. On another day go sit outside in the sunshine for a bit. Take a shower. And always make sure to grab something nutritious to snack on and rehydrate. Even small periods of wakeful rest can do wonders for your outlook when a tiny baby has your schedule out of whack.

Prioritize Nighttime Sleep

When it comes to night sleep, getting your own rest becomes even more important than during the day. Your postpartum recovery and mental health depend on getting adequate rest. Even the most well-adjusted babies wake multiple times a night with needs to be met. Prioritize the help of a partner swapping off changing duties if you’re the primary feeding parent, if possible. Doulas of Baltimore can step in to give expert and compassionate care to your newborn while you sleep the night away, and without interrupting your feeding relationship or bonding experience. A professional postpartum doula or Newborn Care Specialist is there to make sure that you wake feeling as rested and refreshed as possible.

Keep the faith! Long winter nights eventually give way to sunny spring mornings. And your tiny, sleepless offspring develop into a more mature and settled creature who can tell night from day. Like the countless families who came before you and will follow in your footsteps, you will become a rested, confident parent who will grow to treasure your nighttime time with your child, whether it’s a bath, an evening stroll around the neighborhood, or the 900th reading of Goodnight Moon.

“Long Winter Nights” Special on Overnight Support

Trouble getting enough sleep with your new baby? Take advantage of some of these long winter nights with expert care from Doulas of Baltimore’s professional team of Newborn Care Specialists and Postpartum Doulas. 

Our winter special includes a complimentary one hour, in-home sleep consultation with DOB partner and infant sleep expert Deborah Bailey. She will get to know your family and pair you with one of our team members! 

Your in-home professional arrives ready to teach baby sleep associations and is an expert on normal newborn and infant sleep patterns. Using years of tips, tricks, and hacks, she will give you a restful night’s sleep and gently encourage your baby to sleep more independently. Whether you are breastfeeding, pumping, formula feeding, or using a combination of feeding methods, your doula works to ensure you get the maximum amount of sleep possible. 

This special includes 3 overnight shifts per week for 4 weeks to implement the strategies developed, allow the whole family catch up on rest, and set a solid foundation for your baby’s healthy sleep habits. Make these long winter nights warmer and brighter with the exceptional care our doulas bring!

In addition to the complimentary consult with our infant sleep expert, this special also takes advantage of our most affordable rate for in-home care.

Contact us today to secure your doula and settle in for a long winter’s nap – no kerchief required!

 

Promo Details: This special is available for families with infants up to 6 months old.

Initial 1-hour sleep consultation ($100 value) then three 10 hr overnights for 4 weeks.

3 nights per week of 10 hour shifts = 30 hours x 4 weeks = 120 hours at $40/hr = $4800 (reg. price $5500, a $700 savings)

This promotion is available for new contracts signed through February 15, 2020. Hours expire at the end of March.

Baby Blues in Winter: How the Season Can Affect Your Postpartum Emotions

Here’s a scenario that’s all too familiar among parents of newborns: after 40 weeks or so of the excitement and tribulations of pregnancy and labor, you are finally home with your long-awaited bundle of love. You’re trying to settle in and it seems like you are surrounded, as Maggie Rogers sings, “with everyone around me saying ‘You must be so happy now’.” But rather than feeling happy, you are frequently miserable, or overwhelmed, or having second thoughts about this invader in your home. So why aren’t you happy? What’s wrong with you, or with your partner, that you aren’t feeling the glow? 

Welcoming a new human to your family is a monumental change, especially if it’s your first child (though these feelings are in no way limited to parents who have given birth for the first time.) Bodies need recovery time, hormones are wacky, questions and worries abound, and sleep is hard to find. It’s an easy recipe for a stew of sadness and difficulty, so no parent should ever feel any shame about being less than ecstatic in this time of expected joy.

Baby blues or postpartum depression?

The majority of newly postpartum parents experience what’s known medically and commonly as the “baby blues.” Most often experienced by the person who gave birth, it may be felt by any parent, and typically shows up within a few days after their newborn. It can easily be misinterpreted as postpartum depression, which lasts longer and has more serious symptoms (for a quick explanation of the difference by the Mayo Clinic, watch this one minute video). For more detailed information on recognizing postpartum depression,  read the Mayo Clinic’s patient care page; if you suspect you may have postpartum depression, please contact your medical provider as soon as you are able.

The American Pregnancy Association has an excellent article exploring the symptoms of the baby blues. Postpartum doulas are familiar with and trained to help parents grappling with the baby blues, and our clients at Doulas of Baltimore find that having the extra hands to help and wisdom to guide can help them through these weeks of changing emotions, duties, and family dynamics. The most important thing you can do is find a way to practice self-care, which may sound impossible during this time! But even a few quiet moments each day for yourself can make a big difference, whether it’s a full meal, a walk outside, or a few minutes of meditation.

Getting through wintertime with a new baby

Baby blues can strike especially hard during the winter; indeed, many of the symptoms feel the same as those of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and the coping mechanisms look similar. Light is so important for all of us during the winter! Newborns do not need a dark room to sleep, and letting them sleep in full light during the day helps regulate their circadian rhythms, so keep the sunlight coming in during the day as much as you can. Pull a comfy chair over to a sunny window during feeding times and soak it in. Grab yourself a tall glass of water while you’re at it, because hydration is your best friend (fruit-infused water feels luxurious and festive, so pop in a slice of orange or some cranberries or cucumber if you’re able).

The optimal sleeping temperature for babies, by the way, is between 62 and 68 degrees, so cuddle up in cozy blankets and slippers and wrap yourself in warmth, rather than upping the thermostat. And don’t be afraid to get outside in the cold weather! Getting some fresh air into your lungs feels invigorating, and interacting with nature has proven emotional and physical benefits. Wrap yourself up, either with or without baby, and see the sights and smell the smells.

Healthy foods and a pretty table

  • Eating well is a cornerstone of recovery during the postpartum period, so enlist whatever help you can to make that happen.
  • Grocery delivery, meals from neighbors, partners who put in the time in the kitchen, and a rejection of new parent martyrdom are all helpful strategies to make sure you’re getting nutritious food into your belly.
  • Sugar and yeast are dysfunctional partners, so try to limit how much of it you eat and drink.
  • If you have a whole chicken, a bottle of barbecue sauce, and a crockpot, you have a meal waiting for you.
  • A bag of clementines helps your vitamin intake and your bathroom output, and looks pretty in a bowl on your table. Pretty things are important to your outlook and should not be dismissed during these weeks!
  • Speaking of…Fresh flowers from Trader Joe’s can be had for $5 and look lovely on your bedside table.
Be sure to prioritize couple time

If you have the support of a partner at home, use them as much as you can, and recognize that the struggle is real for them, too. This period is rife with stress and changing couple dynamics, and it may be a time to waive the “never go to bed angry” rule for a bit, if you employ it. Keep talking, keep granting amnesty for minor infractions, and keep the faith that this time will sort itself out. Couples often have trouble asking for what they need, but this is a perfect time to start. One thing you will probably need is time alone without the baby, even if it’s just a quiet candlelit bath or an hour to grab coffee with your mom. Plan for it and insist on it, even if the exact timing has to be altered because of your baby’s needs.

The baby blues can feel endless, but will become a blip on your memory timeline as the weeks pass and your body and emotions adjust to your new family reality. Again, if the blues don’t pass within a few weeks, please talk to your provider about the possibility of postpartum depression. Like most phases of infant life, the blues fade away and something new to focus on and master comes along. Love yourself, care for yourself, and allow yourself to be cared for! Journal your feelings, take your feelings for a walk, and acknowledge them as valid and normal, and you should find that all will be well.