Tag Archive for: new parents

Professionals for Your Postpartum Recovery

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You are going to have a baby, and then you are going to have to heal from having a baby. The massive unknown in that equation is all the experiences you will smooch together in your brain and label it: My Birth Story. Your postpartum recovery is a unique and important part of that story.

The birth story of your child starts when every you want it to start, and it ends when you say it ends. Most stories include the moments you thought you were labor, and have a tiny baby being held – by someone – at the end.

But regardless of the events, feelings, and choices of your birth, you will need to recover.

In our experience, the postpartum body and mind are neglected and underserved in the US. There are exceptions, and we have hopes of change. But most families are responsible for making arrangements for their mental and physical needs, all the while also learning and caring for a new person whom they just met.

The following professionals are presented for consideration with full knowledge that seeing all of these professionals may in itself become a difficult task, and therefore may also be a type of harm. So please, know that we know taking it a day at a time is a perfectly reasonable approach to your new life with your new baby. Let this short list be available to you, if and when you are at a place where you are seeking options for extended care outside of the walls of your home.  

Who to include in your postpartum recovery

1. Chiropractor, at a family-friendly office

You can start chiropractic care during pregnancy for aches and pains, and even for help if your baby is presenting breach (or head up). But chiropractic care after delivery may be viewed as a luxury. The baby is born – why keep going?

Once you spend hours and hours, sitting, swaying, rocking, feeding, and not sleeping, your body – while recovering internally from birth – is being used in many ways that are out of the ordinary. Having the care of a chiropractor can help ease your body back into the world where you aren’t carrying a small life inside you, but instead, have a car seat draped over your elbow.

And why a family-friendly office? Because you may have your child with you. And knowing you have the time to be tended to, without needing to worry if anyone has eyes on your babe can mean the world of difference. Ask them if they are prepared to help new moms make their appointments. We’ve seen strollers get pushed back and forth, pacifiers get placed back in a mouth that has just learned to pop it out, and quite a few chins dabbed when a bit of spit up slips out. Ask.

2. Massage Therapist

Your body holds onto events long after they have happened. Are your shoulders tense right now from work, or that conversation yesterday, or because you are thinking about all the things you said you would do?

Now imagine how it will remember the task of moving a child into the world? Your body will be tender, and once you feel comfortable laying on your belly, having care from a professional who can help your body to release the tension it holds will be a world of difference for your mind, as well as your muscles.

You may get weepy on the massage table and not know why. You may miss your baby while in your appointment, and both love it and hate it. Being worked on by your therapist, you might realize, will be the first time in weeks where you are being touched with restorative energy, instead of having to be the one giving stimulation, food, or peace. Massages are not just for birthdays and anniversaries. Your body deserves to have attention be paid to it after doing the critical work of birth.

3. House Cleaner

This last one might be a stretch for you, but we want you to think about hiring a cleaning service to help in your first weeks home with your baby. Your attention will be divided between learning about your new child, grieving the loss of your old life, and being wrecked with an onslaught of hormones and sleep deprivation.

A professional cleaner is not someone you will need to worry yourself over. She or he can reduce your stress if you are frustrated with keeping up with old and new responsibilities, help prevent your space from becoming an isolated cave, and offer peace of mind that you and your baby are not having your immune systems overwhelmed by housework.

If there is a time to invest in supporting your entire family, taking the cleaning stress off of everyone’s plate is a caring way to start your first weeks as new parents.

As always Doulas of Baltimore is honored so many families are choosing our in-home postpartum team to come and help in the postpartum period.  If you would like to talk with us about care options for support inside your home day or night, we want to hear from you. And if you need referrals to some of our favorite local professionals, just let us know!

 

Daylight Savings Time: Tips for “Springing Ahead”

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It’s that dreaded time of year again. Goodbye to standard time. Daylight savings time begins. Every time shift can be challenging, though “springing ahead” is thought to be the easier of the two. But that’s little consolation when the sun is still shining bright at your little one’s bedtime!

For parents of newborns and most babies under six months old – rejoice! Younger babies hardly notice the change and it has little effect on their sleep patterns. It’s not often that you get good news about newborn babies and their sleep! Of course many of you are still working on predictable and consistent sleep. And you and your partner will be affected by the time change so try to adjust your own sleep routine to minimize this impact.

For parents of older infants and toddlers (and older kids too!), your child’s circadian rhythm will be affected by this jump ahead and we know of no parents who look forward to this biannual scourge…er, um, event!

Four tips of helping your child adjust to the daylight savings time change:

1. Lots of outside time and sunshine

Good for everyone, everyday. And even more so when our circadian rhythm and sleep patterns need adjusting. Morning sunshine is especially helpful!

2. Blackout curtains and dim lights

Honestly? We recommend blackout curtains for everyone! A consistent sleep routine is easier to accomplish when you control the light. An hour ahead of bedtime, pull the blinds and dim the lights. This shift stimulates the production of melatonin and helps set your little one up for a better night’s sleep.

3. Gradual sleep schedule adjustment

You can gradually adjust the sleep schedule ahead of time or start the morning after. You can use 15- or 30-minute increments, mostly dependent on the age of temperament of your little one. Kim West, aka The Sleep Lady, has some great tips on schedule adjustment for “springing ahead” (and she is an overall fantastic resource for all things related to sleep for babies and children!). 

4. Nothing

That’s right. You can opt for doing nothing ahead of time or any specific adjustments afterwards. This works better for babies and children with “easy to adapt” temperaments. If this does not describe your child, your whole family may do better overall with some proactive strategies to work with your child’s temperament and minimize the stress.

Bonus Tip: Patience

Regardless of what approach you end up taking, the adjustment to daylight savings time takes about a week. Offering some patience to your little one, your partner, yourself, and anyone else you interact with is never a bad approach, especially the week after daylight savings time begins! In a few short weeks, you’ll be enjoying some time to yourself with the later setting sun after your little one is asleep – hopefully with some gardening, walking with a friend, reading a good book, or any other activity you enjoy! 

As we all know, sleep is a topic of interest for all parents, especially new parents. Read on to get more information on:

Understanding and shaping newborn sleep habits.

How our overnight newborn care can help you rest while setting a foundation of healthy sleep habits with your little one.

 

The Witching Hour: The Scariest Time of Day for New Parents

Nearly every parent can recall a moment during those early weeks of their baby’s life, when their sweet, innocent little bundle of joy seemed more like a terrifying little monster. This scary time is often referred to as the “Witching Hour”, derived from folklore to mean the time of day when the ghosts, monsters, and demons were said to have appeared. 

Like the term ‘morning sickness’ (which frequently happens far more often than just the morning), the phrase ‘witching hour’ is also a misnomer. Your newborn may spend well more than 60 minutes in this seemingly inconsolable state. Particularly during this time of year, when the sun sets earlier, it is not uncommon for the witching hour to include the hours leading up to and immediately following sunset. 

So what then IS the witching hour?  

The witching hour is a period of excessive fussiness, crying, irritability, and/or sleeplessness, sometimes spanning several hours, often occurring during the late afternoon into evening. It is extremely common for newborns, particularly in weeks 2-4 of their lives, to exhibit this behavior but can (unfortunately) extend for weeks. 

What causes the witching hour in newborns?

Overstimulation

It’s the end of another long and grueling day; you’ve been bombarded by noises, lights, sounds, textures, smells, and other external stimuli for hours on end. It’s enough to make adults want to retreat to their happy place! Now, consider a newborn, only weeks into this journey that is life, experiencing all of these same stimuli. This is why the number one cause of the ‘witching hour’ can be attributed simply to overstimulation. As humans, when we are overwhelmed by external stimuli, it is difficult for our mind and body to rest – overstimulation leads to being overtired too.

Gastrointestinal Discomforts

Your baby’s GI system is also brand new, working hard to learn how to suck, swallow, and digest milk, absorb nutrients, and pass gas and stool. It can be expected that this immaturity can contribute to increased gas (and the ensuing fussiness and discomfort), particularly after a full day of feedings. It’s also not unusual for excess gas and discomfort to compound throughout the day. 

Hunger

A baby’s nutritional needs change throughout the course of the day. It is not uncommon for babies to appear more hungry during the late afternoon and evening hours. This is partially a biological response for breastfed babies in that breastmilk production and supply tends to be at the lowest during this time of day. Babies who are bottle fed may exhibit hunger cues even after finishing their usual portion of milk. 

Tricks & Treats: What can we do to help our baby through the witching hour?

Reduce stimulus 

If you have taken DOB’s Baby 101 workshop, you have likely learned about Dr. Harvey Karp and his 5 S’s; Swaddle, Sway, Side-lying, Suck, and Shhh (or Sound). Combining these five activities can help to reduce external stimuli and, hopefully, encourage baby to close their eyes. A favorite trick for our postpartum doulas is taking baby, swaddled and with a pacifier, into the bathroom, turning off the lights and turning on the exhaust fan! And baby-wearing can be a treat for the whole family. Putting baby in an inward-facing wrap or carrier is a great tool to get through this time, too.

Encourage burps and toots

Encouraging baby to burp and pass gas frequently throughout the day can help alleviate fussiness and bloating in the evenings. Whether breast or bottle feeding, burping baby mid-feeding is always a good idea. Giving baby time to lay and move their limbs can also aid in teaching them how to release gas as well. Ultimately, time and maturity are the only true ‘fix’. 

Feed frequently

While we can’t eliminate baby’s desire to feed frequently in the evenings, sometimes preemptively increasing afternoon feedings can help. This may mean waking more frequently for shorter durations between feedings (2-2.5 hours maximum would be our recommendation). Or increasing the amount or duration at the last feeding session prior to the anticipated witching hour time frame. Cluster feeding, especially in the evenings, is very normal for breastfed babies in anticipation of a growth spurt. Again, this is an instance where time may be the only solution.

Is there a way to eliminate the witching hour?

While it can be difficult to accommodate for every family, one of the benefits of this time of year is the earlier sunsets.  If their witching hour is around 5 pm, ensuring they have a quality late afternoon nap may help. Take advantage of the darkness to push baby’s bedtime back a bit. If baby seems cranky, irritable or inconsolable by 7:30 pm every night, aiming to have them settled and to sleep by 7 pm could help (and mean you might get a few minutes of peace!).

While we can not guarantee that these tips and tricks will work every time with every baby, we can assure you that you are not alone, and ultimately, this time will pass. 

Ways to Help Your Older Child Adjust to the New Baby

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Welcoming a baby into your family is a joy, but a joy that can come with worry. If you’re expecting baby number two, you might be worried about how your older child will adjust to a new sibling. Jealousy is a natural emotion for kids, especially during the ages when they are particularly attached to their parents. They’ll notice you are taking time to care for baby and that people are excited about baby. But, there are still ways that you can help your older child adjust. 

How can I help my older child adjust to a new baby? 

One of the ways that parents can help older children adjust to a new baby is by involving siblings in newborn care, to the extent that they want to be involved. If they are a little older, they might want to help with feeding or bathing. If they’re younger, you can have them get a pacifier and put it in baby’s mouth (gently) or get a diaper. 

Especially for toddlers, it can be helpful for parents to acknowledge the difference between them and the baby. You might find yourself telling the older child to wait while you feed baby or change a diaper. On occasion, you can tell baby that they have to wait while you do something with your older child. You can also remind your older child that they are a big kid and doing something or have something that baby can’t. Emphasizing that they are special can help with feelings of jealousy. 

How do I keep my older child from feeling overwhelmed when baby comes?

 Having a baby can throw everyone’s schedules off, from sleep to meals. One tip to help your older child adjust to a new baby is by keeping their schedule as consistent as possible. If they go to daycare three days a week, keep them at daycare even if you or your partner are home with baby. 

Babies do need a lot of attention, which can create feelings of jealousy in your older child or that there is a certain level of unpredictability. When you feed your baby and do need to devote attention solely to baby, it can help to find something calm and special that the older child can do. While you are trying to have a calm moment for feeding, you can let your older child watch a special show or read a book. 

How can friends and relatives help my older child adjust to a new baby? 

One of the easiest things friends and relatives can do to help your older child or children adjust to baby is acknowledge the sibling first. When they come over to meet baby, have visitors prioritize the sibling. It is so easy for everyone to get excited about the new baby, and your other child can notice this excitement. Have friends and family ask the older sibling if they want to introduce baby or share something special about their new sibling. 

If you have someone who can help you during the postpartum period–whether it is a doula, a family member or friend–you have a great opportunity to prioritize each child on their own. They can take care of baby so that you have quality time with the older sibling. Or, they can take care of the older sibling so you can either rest or take care of baby. 

Tips for Sex & Romance After Baby

When Valentine’s Day approaches and spring is on the horizon, romance is in the air and on the mind. But what happens when you have a new baby and your body is not the body you’ve been accustomed to using for romantic pursuits, or when you’re bone-tired and out of sorts and not exactly thrilled with your partner, or when you really, really want it but can’t figure out how to get it? When the thought of a Valentine’s celebration or a tryst with your partner leaves you panicked rather than thrilled, it’s time to rethink your approach, recreate patterns of engagement, and reopen lines of communication that might have been waylaid following the birth of your new tiny family member.

Let’s take a look at the obstacles that may block you from a satisfying encounter. First, and obviously, there’s the matter of physical healing and changes. Whether you’ve given birth vaginally or via cesarean section, your body has gone through an elemental and dramatic event, and healing takes time. Share with your partner everything your medical provider has told you about recovery from labor and delivery, and be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and what you need. While textbooks might say you need 6 weeks to recover, many birthing people find it takes them longer to feel like ‘themselves’ again.

Is my body even mine anymore?

Parents of young children often express feeling that they’re “touched out” by the constant contact with little bodies, and so by the time a partner comes looking for some action, the looming possibility of one more touch is enough to send the primary caregiver hiding in a dark closet. If this sounds familiar, the solution is often as simple as some alone time before you attempt to engage with your partner. Don’t take pity on your partner and give in to something you’re not physically ready for; instead, use this opportunity to advocate for yourself and talk openly about your concerns and possible solutions. Intimacy after childbirth often requires a bit more flexibility in your routines as well. You may find that what worked pre-baby, isn’t quite right any longer, and your new postpartum body requires a bit more patience. Take the changes as an exciting cue to learn as a couple, just like you did when you were first together!

Lack of time and space

The logistics of time and space can also interfere with romance, even if you feel physically ready. You and your partner may be exhausted, particularly if one or both of you have returned to work. There’s so much to do around the house, always! And the baby needs to be fed, and older children need so much, so it’s natural to assume that dating and sex will have to be shelved indefinitely. If you are a room-sharing family, you may need to be creative about where nighttime fun time will happen (and there’s nothing wrong with a little creativity!) if it’s going to happen at all. Couples who manage to set up a routine of connection, no matter how quick or simple, will find that they have paved the road for further intimacy when things settle down around the home. A morning kiss, a two-minute hug, a sexy text, a shared weekly podcast to listen to—find something that works for both of you and has nothing to do with babies or household concerns, and stick with it.

Sex and Romance After a Baby? How??

The tips our clients have thanked us for:

  • If you are breastfeeding, introducing a bottle when you feel that your nursing routine is secure can free you up to escape the house for a date night. (A postpartum doula is happy to help with that!)
  • And if you are not in a position to leave baby behind, find a new and interesting outing for the three of you and call it a date.
  • If you’ve been living without a shower or your normal beauty routine since your new one arrived, take a little time to find an outfit and accessories that make you feel great, and remind you of how it felt to be yourself before you became a parent. You may want to hit some sales and find a new outfit to fit your new post-baby body!
  • Compliment your mate on what a great parent they are, and remind them of your last amazing date. Your goal is to set the stage for both of you to feel like two people who remember that they love and miss each other, and who want to make each other a priority.

Communication is the key

Couples who have made their relationships last for decades will tell you that the backbone for success is having open lines of communications. Many partners fear asking for what they want, and may dread criticism or fear rejection, so end up avoiding difficult conversations. It’s particularly common to feel vulnerable when emotions are high, hormones are out of whack, and sleep is a distant memory, but this is precisely the time when asking for what you need is essential.

There are professionals for this??

Don’t discount the benefits of professional help either- if you’re struggling to get your groove back after baby, seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, talk with a counselor, or reach out to your care provider if you feel your hormones are playing a more significant role than some minor lack in libido. Setting aside some couple time to check in with each other and support each other will pay rewards both short term and long term. Whether that couple time means a fancy dinner, or sitting on a bench in a park with cups of espresso and watching the setting sun together, is up to you.

You may find that taking the lead and asking for what you want is precisely what your partner is hoping for; your new role as parent may have them walking on eggshells around you, and they may not know how or when you want to be touched or how best they can take care of you. With some advanced planning, patience, humor, and grace, you will find that you can reclaim romance, and that it can be deeper and more meaningful than ever. Happy loving!